i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
