New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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