it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
