You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
