he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
