life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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