I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
