im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
