I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
