Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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