remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
