Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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