I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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