Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
