Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
