he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
