and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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