i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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