dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He better not be in your backpack
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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