is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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