there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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