I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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