Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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