I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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