And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
