I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
