Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
