kristin has been a bad kristin
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
