Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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