You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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