I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
