so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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