bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
