You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
