Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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