i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
