I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
