I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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