Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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