I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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