I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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