Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
