tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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