So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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