I'm pants shitting drunk right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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