My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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