she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
