i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
