watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
