she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
