There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
