I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just pee around me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
