did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
