If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
