God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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