Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
