dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize