If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
