That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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