i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
