i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize