I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
