I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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