Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
