she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
