literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
